...The Front Porch...

A Warning

2007-03-27T22:59:00.000-05:00

You have so much to learn. So much left to experience. I know, I know, you're widely travelled, you've read lots of books, you've met lots of people, but even with all of that you've only done a fraction of the things you could possibly do. The opportunities you, my friend, have missed out on are more numerous than you can imagine. Can you live with that? Even when you thought you were making the most of something you were only doing half. Less than half. Why does your laziness persist? Why do you sit when you could be standing? Why do you stand when you could be walking? Why do you walk when you could be running? Go. Do everything you can while you still have the chance or the only thing left to do will be wonder what if.
It's overwhelming. Believe me, I know. I will show you where to start. Go to Friend Genius' Myspace. There you will see the consequences of laziness, inaction and missed opportunities. Take it all in. Use it as a warning. Then go and do not let the same happen to you.

No Pork

2007-03-01T21:39:00.000-06:00

Okay, this is going to be my last video post for awhile. I just figured out how to do it a litte while ago so I went a bit nuts there with the Labyrinth and Robyn and what not. But here's a good one. Nothing like a little cultural insensitivity. Starts off slow but give it some time.

Stop Making Sense

2007-02-24T09:39:00.000-06:00

You remember that song 'Show Me Love' by Robyn circa 1998, right? Sometime between 1998 and now, Robyn obviously stopped taking herself seriously and started taking herself...hilariously. Check it.

Dance Magic Dance

2007-02-19T22:59:00.000-06:00

It's Christmas time. We bring out the old board games. My arch nemesis...Labyrinth. Can I do it? Will I exorcise the demons or will my ten-year-old self re-appear and simply get mad and kick the game. Observe...

Past The Point of Resuce

2007-02-03T11:33:00.000-06:00

I like to be in solidarity with causes that I support. Unfortunately I am also lazy so any feelings of solidarity I feel rarely result in action of any kind. However, I was recently made aware of a cause to which I feel such a connection to that I simply could not sit idle. The time for action is now!! As you are no doubt aware, there was recently a conference in Paris where scientists from all over the world brought forward a report backed by such exhaustive research that it proved unequivocally that indeed global warming is occurring and that in fact we humans are most certainly the ones responsible for this. Storms will increase in frequency and violence! Deserts will get dryer! Tropics will get wetter! Polar ice caps will recede! Speaking of recede, back to the cause I was referring to initially. You see, I have been informed that Matt's hairline is receding and I would like to take this opportunity to be in solidarity with him. You sir are not alone!

Observe!

A constant reminder of mortality ... the end is near.

Looking forward to: Premiering our recently completed alien-invasion short film. Tonight! One Engagement Only! Kristy and Allison's place! See it with Someone Brave!

Modern Art

2007-01-20T00:10:00.000-06:00

I made this box. Find something that fits in it.

Come up with an idea for a piece of visual art that you would have to work on a little bit every day for the rest of your life - keep in mind it would have to be obvious that you had done so - and could only be completed on the day that you die.

Any ideas? Since I came up with an answer and then this question I have no way of knowing whether this is a difficult puzzle to solve and whether there is more than one solution.

Looking forward to: 'Voiceovering' our recently filmed alien invasion short film tomorrow.

There's Not A Lot Going On

2007-01-06T20:12:00.000-06:00

Well, from the looks of things out in blogland I missed a good, highly sentimental time back in Saskatchewan over Christmas. Too bad, because I like that nostalgic feeling as much as the next person, though I'm not sure if I could live in rural Saskatchewan again even though I sometimes wonder how much longer I can survive in a city. What if I can't do either?

Best not to think about it at the moment and watch some home videos instead.

Organ Solo

2006-11-10T16:48:00.001-06:00

It's hard to write something on a blog when you haven't bothered in awhile. So much has happened that I have neglected to put in here so writing about it would take forever and yet to make a post without referencing all of those events would seem neglectful. To solve this problem I will do a simple experiment: I will tell you nothing of what happened in the last 2.5 months and you can tell me whether this post lacks context or not.

Yesterday my bandmates and I hit the studio to lay down some tracks (recording jargon for 'fumbled our way through part of one half-written song'). We were 30% successful. These are exciting times as we will soon have a jam-space again, without which we are nothing but a bunch of guys with un-implemented ideas drinking beer. Sad. But things are looking up. Soon we will have recorded 'song' number 5 and will be forced to consider putting in some actual effort and playing a show or two. I also bought an organ and found a glockenspiel which means I now have more instruments that I may never make good use of.

Looking forward to: heading to Grand Forks for the long weekend, which should be a good place to go see Borat.

Hit The North!

2006-08-22T22:47:00.000-05:00

This merits a post.

I spent a wonderful weekend canoeing with some friends in Whiteshell Provincial Park. It was a welcome change from what had seemed like a hectic week prior. By the time Friday rolled around I was almost unable to muster the mental energy to pack up, prepare food, rent a canoe, and decide where we would go. But go we did, and it was good.

Here Vanessa and Mark coast through one of the man-made tunnels blasted through the rock that connect Caddy Lake and South Cross Lake. Not only do the tunnels offer a reprieve from the heat, but they also provide great acoustics should you feel the need to break into song.

Canoeing is great and I have nothing against it. What I was most looking forward to about the weekend, however, was the chance to indulge in my favorite-ever pastime of 'lifejacket-swimming.' I say indulge for two reasons: First and foremost because when wearing a lifejacket there is really no swimming involved...only floating. Secondly, I often take the liberty of drinking a beer while 'lifejacket-swimming' and so 'indulge' seemed like the only appropriate term. [As a side note, drinking a beer while 'lifejacket-swimming' is most easily accomplished if you wear your lifejacket like a diaper. This lifts the body further out of the water for ease of consumption.]

The unexpected surprise of the weekend was the creation of a new game - canoe frisbee. The creation of new games is my second favorite pasttime of all-time after lifejacket-swimming. When we were younger, my cousin and I invented numerous games. Most lasted only one evening, though the best of them were revived again and again. 'Tape-ball Baseball' was a short-lived game involving hitting a ball of tape - thrown like a baseball - with a small pillow. This game was significantly improved later on and became 'Ping-Pong Baseball.' 'Ping-Pong Baseball' was significantly harder due to the fact that a ping-pong ball, when thrown like a baseball, moves unpredictably through the air. Thus, there were many more strikeouts and home-runs (hitting the ball past the couch) were less frequent. So anyway, canoe frisbee is a new sport that combines all the fun of tossing a disc with the precariousness of standing up in a canoe, and it is good times.

A weekend well spent.

Chicago at Night

2006-08-02T22:08:00.000-05:00

Well, the ink was barely dry on that last post when my parents farm got hit with a pretty nasty hail storm which made me think that I may have to be more careful what I say in this blog. That was a month ago already, and I think that many of the crops came back better than they were expected to, so its okay. It seems like there would be a lesson in there somewhere but I can't think of what it could possibly be.

I just got back from a great 5-day excursion to Chicago where we took in the Pitchfork Music Festival and about 80 000 UV rays. I could say a lot about the trip but I realize that my last few posts have been a bit overwrought. Everyone likes pictures better so I've scrounged up a few. I didn't bring a camera, but the internet has made taking my own pictures unnecessary.

DESTROYER
Stage Banter Quote: "This next song is about....*sigh*"

ART BRUT
Stage Banter Quote: "While I don't agree with your misogynistic language Jay-Z, I understand what you are trying to say."

JENS LEKMAN
Stage Banter Quote: "There is such a thing as vegetarian German food?"

I would be remiss if I didn't also mention that every day that we were in Chicago it was 36 degrees celsius. This made life difficult at times and nearly sent me into a dehydrated, hazy humidity-induced rage. After that passed I was able to enjoy walking around downtown, an imposing mix of modern glass skyscrapers and monolithic turn-of-the-century brick and stone structures between which are dark alleys with black iron fire escapes zig-zagging up the thirty floors to the top. If you stare into one of these alleys for long enough you can almost hear some poor soul come running and turn the corner only to find it a dead end, then turn to face a shadowy figure in a fedora and trenchcoat who demands payment of certain debts as he steps out of a black car. The man begs for a second chance but realizes that this time there isn't one to be had as he sinks slowly to the bottom of the river just below the docks. I'm pretty sure that's what I heard...in retrospect it might have been something else.

The problem with being in a city as historic and grand as Chicago is that one inevitably begins wanting a piece of it for oneself. You will find yourself wondering what it would be like to own a loft on the 12th floor of an old 1891 brownstone, or imagining the possibilities that would be afforded if one of the yachts in the harbor had keys that were in your pocket. You will start to think about how much work and how many lives were consumed in order to create something so sprawling, so tall and yet so detailed. Your neck will get tired from looking up so you'll stare at your feet, see some ants working frantically to construct a mound of soil and realize we aren't very different from them. The brick, iron, and concrete will make you uncomfortable eventually and you will wade into the lake to cool off. You'll walk back out of the lake, start to get a rash, look at the silhouetted skyline and realize such grandiosity has its price.

Hail To The Chief

2006-06-24T13:26:00.000-05:00

So here I am on a Saturday afternoon, sitting in my room anticipating the start of the next World Cup match and it starts hailing. I check the doppler radar (fun, try it sometime) on the Environment Canada website and lo and behold downtown Winnipeg, where I am, is currently sitting under a cloud of dark red/purple. I've been in the habit of checking the doppler radar on Enviro Canada for a few years now - since I've known it to exist - whenever it rains because it gives you a visual using various colors that represent the amount it is raining anwhere in Canada at any given time. Dark purple is the heaviest possible precipitation and I am currently under a tiny dot of it now. The system also has the ability to show where the precipitation has moved over the past hour so you can determine whether it is coming towards you or not. So now I have not only seen the darkest possible color on the radar but have been able to look out the window and see what it means. FYI - it means rain and hail. Neato.

But now I will go back to blogging unaffected by the weather occurring outside because here, unlike on the farm, weather doesn't matter. I sort of miss being at the mercy of weather patterns that comes with farming, which was how I grew up. This was a built in way of keeping things in perspective, I think, which I now lack to some extent. So what I need is the constant threat of disaster to keep me from becoming complacent here in the center of the impenetrable metropolis that is Winnipeg.

Maybe not impenetrable. A house a few doors down from us burned down 2 nights ago. I woke up to shouts of "Fire!" and "Call 911!" Unnecessary, because several fire trucks with sirens blaring were already at the scene. Though even a threat like fire doesn't quite provide the instability that being reliant on weather can. If you don't leave your oven on and don't smoke in bed, your house probably won't burn down - there is still an element of control there.

So if any of you can think of ways to make my life a touch more precarious, I would like to hear them. Working with high-risk offenders seems to have partly done the trick. However, the element of potential financial ruin is still missing. Also keep in mind that I'm not looking for the kind of insecurity that our government seems poised to provide with their increased military spending and pre-emptive strikes against potential terrorists. I want to be careful what I wish for here. Just some intermittent reminders of fragility would be sufficient to keep me in line.

On an unrelated note, if anyone in Winnipeg is looking for a 5'X12' section of nice black fabric, we have three that were left on our doorstep overnight. If not, I'll just keep them for our funerals; there's one for each of us.

Just Like A Snake In The Grass

2006-04-30T23:18:00.000-05:00

Well it's that time of year...spring...when a young man's fancy turns to love. For us male homosapiens, especially those on the cold praries, this means being reintroduced to the female form as parkas are turned in and replaced by tank tops, ski pants by skirts and capris, boots by sandals and toques by sunglasses. Go one step lower on the evolutionary scale and you will notice that mammals everywhere are 'doing it.' Rabbits are the most notorious for this behaviour (The 'Easter Bunny' isn't just delivering chocolate if you know what I mean) but are by no means alone in their springtime quest to proliferate their own kind.

So it should come as no surprise that reptiles are no different. Snakes too must get it on. Only for them it means gathering together in the warm sun to form a giant writhing mass of copulation. Luckily for me, the best place in the world to view this phenomenon is right here in good old Manitoba. Not wanting to miss an opportunity to view an event unique to Manitoba, nor to pass by the many chances to use the word 'snake' as a euphemism for 'penis' in clever and off-colour ways, my roommates and I set out to witness the Garder Snake orgy that occurs yearly at Narcisse, Manitoba.

We were somewhat dissappointed because being a cloudy, cool day the cold-blooded snakes were not out in their usual numbers. However, we were able to pick up some snakes and hold them and jokes ensued. We were also able to witness a few small masses of copulating snakes. This gave one the opportunity to wonder if the snakes aren't on to something. Writhing about in a large mass meant that the normally solitary snakes were able to release all their pent up sexual energy in the protection and annonymity that comes with being part of a large, random group of bodies. Well, it works for them anyway.

Unfortunately we were not able to muster the courage to ask the interpreter to explain to us what parts of a snake exactly have to make contact in order for fertilization to occur. This was primarily due to the fact that it is an awkward question and, secondly, that the interpreter was an attractive female. So the question was left un-asked and a potentially uncomfortable social situation was avoided. However, if we were snakes, this wouldn't have mattered and we would have simply joined the pile. Perhaps that is what the snake part of me (unintended double entendre...I'm going to choose to leave it in) would want as well but the human part would need something else...a relationship I guess. On the other hand, there are people whose inner (and outer...HA!) snake has taken over to the extent that this type of random sexual encounter is all they need, or are capable of having.

Well, kudos to snakes who don't appear to need anything but to reproduce solely to ensure that there will be 70,000 snakes writhing about in the dens next year and every year afterward.

Looking forward this week to: The year 2032. Things will probably be pretty different by then.

A Blog Of Limited Interest

2006-04-24T16:31:00.000-05:00

Well, I've accidentally stumbled upon a way to make sports interesting again...Gambling! A few of us got together the other night and put together an NHL playoff pool. At stake, 5 measly dollars that give me the chance to win a less measly $35. My picks appear to be doing well so far. Disregard Brent's picks as he wrote a program to compile the 10 players undrafted by the rest of us with the most points. Impressively, I am currently tied with him. He of course can't win the pot anyway, what with his wizard-like mastery of basic computer programming.

Looking forward this week to: Retirement

You Gotta Know When To Hold 'Em, Know When To Implode 'Em

2006-03-26T22:54:00.000-06:00

Sometimes you just do something to say that you did it, which is what I did this morning. Today was then day when, finally, the old Winnipeg Arena, which has been so admirably replaced by the newfangled MTS Center was to be demolished...with DYNAMITE!!! It had been mostly disassembled by this point already, looking like a bombed-out building somewhere in Eastern Europe with its skeleton clearly visible and mounds of rubble surrounding; a shell of its former self. In any case this event was to take place at 7:15 on a Sunday morning, so I went along with my roommate Jon, better known as The Dizz.
To make a long story short the dynamite, though impressively loud, failed to take down the steel super-structure, simply collapsing the remaining concrete parts. Dissappointing, yes, and an engineering failure, but somehow appropriate for a two-bit city like Winnipeg (you just know they would have done it right in say, New York, or somewhere. Though, to be fair, Americans in general have significantly more experience blowing things up than we do). Secondly, it was fitting because like the memories of Teemu Selanne's record-breaking rookie season and the Jets themselves the building simply did not want to go away.

Check out Dizz's blog for a video of the debacle and another take on the proceedings

Looking forward this week to: Supper and Scrabble with my former roommates, Heather and Karin; Payday; um....Friday.

We Will, We Will, Do Our Best to Rock You

2006-03-05T18:43:00.000-06:00

So here I am, trying to avoid getting sucked in to watching the Oscar pre-game show. Walking down the red carpet and what not. It's harder this year because there are more interesting movies nominated than usual, and if I were to catch an interview with Philip Seymour Hoffman, Jake Gyllenhall, any of the rest of the cast of Brokeback Mountain, Nicole Kidman of course, or Rachel Weisz, I would actually be interested in that. It still isn't worth the requisite time in front o' the tube.

What else can I say. The band I am in played its first show in its present incarnation last Friday as 'Cassette.' We were formerly called 'Delmar', but since added a new member (from the illustrious science-folktion duo 'Secondhandpants') so it warrented a new name. We played at an art show and it turned out well. We bleached the outline of a cassette tape onto each of our shirts so we smelled like swimming pools and our throats burned but overall the scale was tipped slightly to the side of "success." I don't think there is any way to hear the one song we have recorded out in internetland, though you can and, dare I say, should, check out the Secondhandpants (esp. Space Robot Blues).

Well, we play Ultimate tonight at 9:30 so I'll take it easy until then, after which I will be too wound up to sleep and will have trouble getting up tomorrow morning.

Looking forward this week to: Akron/Family show at the Albert on Thursday.

Give Me Something To Look Forward To

2006-01-26T19:24:00.000-06:00

So it's what, January twenty-something today? Yeah, and it feels like it too. It feels like January twenty-something and I feel like a January twenty-something. Found this article on the web that helps to expain it...maybe. I don't have the New Year's Resolution thing that it talks about. I know this because I didn't make one; I'll fail enough times without consciously adding another way to do so.

So maybe it's the weather. Or not. It has been unseasonably warm since Novermber, and I don't mind it when it is unseasonably cold either. Those are the times when you can remind yourself that you're really only one layer of clothing away from freezing to death. Not that this is a pleasant thought, but it keeps things in perspective at least. I think that the key sentence is this: "People feel bleak when they have nothing planned." I can't help but remember that last year at this time I was getting ready for this:Mosquito bitten legs and bad farmer-tan aside, it looks pretty good from where I'm sitting right now. And then there was this:

And, like magic, this mood becomes a bit more understandable. The only question now is what to do. I'll think about it, taunted by the fact that this guy, apparently, has long since figured out for himself what I cannot.

There's Something Amazing About That Blue

2006-01-16T17:46:00.000-06:00

So the election is coming up in a week and I have been thinking a lot about voting strategy. Which of the three major parties do I want to form our government? NONE!...and also...WRONG QUESTION! Bill Blaikie, an NDP candidate for somewhere in Winnipeg made a good point the other day on a panel discussion on the CBC Local News. He said that when Canadians vote, we don't simply vote for the party that we want to be in charge. Rather, as a whole we vote for a particular melange of people, from the various parties, that will make up our government. Thus, the question I should be asking myself when thinking about how to vote is not "Who do I want to win?" so much as "What mix of people do I want in our parliament?"

Thinking in this way allows me the possibility of voting against my conscience without feeling bad. I'll explain. Suppose the NDP were poised to win a landslide victory. I might then vote Conservative - if they had a chance of winning my riding - simply to put a dissenting opinion in parliament even though under normal circumstances I would rather die, be reincarnated, and then die 4 times at once, than vote Conservative.

However, since the above scenario is probably the exact opposite of what is going to happen, I will likely vote NDP. First, because they are the only party (besides Green) that doesn't have a short-sighted, knee-jerk "tough on crime" policy. Second, I just discovered that I live in the second poorest riding in all of Canada. Thirdly, based on an extensive study of my impression of the number of signs in front yards in this area, the NDP are going to win anyway. Finally, though the NDP are reputedly the least fiscally responsible party, I don't believe the Conservatives (or the Liberals, obviously) to be any better. Their plan of attatching ourselves, mollusk-like, to the sinking ship that is the US of A is faulty. If they were the shrewd business people they claim to be, they would choose a Chinese party leader and make Mandarin our third official language. Plus Stephen Harper looks creepy. Here's a picture I took: Let's get tough on crime.

Here Goes Nothing

2006-01-12T20:25:00.000-06:00

After being reprimanded at Christmas for not having a blog I decided to step up. I thouroughly enjoy checking others' blogs, but realized that it is kind of creepy to just be reading other blogs, not commenting, and not having a blog that others can read. Kind of like stalking in a way. So now it's time to give back.